From the sidelines of life, I stood watching the rest of the world march to the beat of its own drum while aimlessly stumbling around in the dark to hear the beat of my own heart. Everyone else seemed to have it all together. Everyone seemed so confident in who they were, in what they were doing, in living their life. Not me. It wasn’t easy lugging around heavy suitcases filled with insecurity, self-doubt, fear and a whole lot of other “unmentionables” day in and day out.
I knew I was a Child of God, but what did that mean? How did that help me find my place? Why did I always feel so out-of-place? Fear held me prisoner. I was afraid of people, afraid of failure, afraid of life. Needless to say, this fear kept me from being and doing all that God had created me to be.
God began changing everything. I started experiencing a hungering and a thirsting for something more. I began to feel as though the fear in my life was suffocating me, sucking the very life out of me.
Lord, I want to be free.
I want to find my place.
I want to live.
I want to feel you.
I want to know you.
Awww….at last, my heart finally realized what was missing. KNOWING GOD.
And so my search began. I bought a brand new Bible and on the inside front cover, I placed a heart sticker with the following verse:
And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart. ~ Jeremiah 29:13
Then each day, I set aside time to read God’s word. I had read the Bible before, but this was different. I wasn’t reading the Bible to fill some religious requirement or to memorize a verse, I was reading to find God. Before opening the pages of my Bible, I would stop, kneel by my bed, and open my heart to God. I prayed for His Holy Spirit to open my eyes to see Him. I prayed for the Holy Spirit to open my ears to hear Him. I prayed for my heart to know God.
And, I was not disappointed. The Word of God came alive to me. Instead of a book I didn’t understand, it became God’s love letter to me. Each day I couldn’t wait to spend time feasting on God’s word. The more I read, the hungrier I became. The hungrier I became the more I read and the deeper my fellowship with the Lord.
Then, one day, I came across the following passage:
For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, Of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man; That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God. Ephesians 3:14-19
There is was.
May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God. It was what I was longing for…to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge. I wanted Christ in my heart, not just in my head. I wanted to be filled with ALL THE FULLNESS OF GOD. Kneeling down by my bed, I invited Christ into my heart.
From that moment on, His love and the beauty of who He is has captured my heart. I am no longer held captive by fear because God’s perfect love for me has cast out ALL my fear. (1 John 4:18) Now, FINALLY, I have found my place in this world….only the beautiful thing is….my place isn’t in this world, it is IN CHRIST. No wonder I always felt out-of-place!
I am learning who I am IN and THROUGH Christ and this has made ALL the difference in who I am.
I am a sinner saved by Grace. Nothing I could ever do would be worthy of Christ’s love for me. He loves me simply because He loves me. It’s as simple and as wonderful as that. The closer I get to him, the more I find out who I am and why I was created. The more I come to know Him, the more I come to know my purpose on this earth. The deeper I fall in love with Him, the more complete I am.
A heart transformed by the love of God.
A life changed by His presence.
A sinner saved by grace.
This is who I am.
I am also a wife, a teacher, a writer, and currently, I spend my days serving as a Director of Children’s Ministries.
You see, God has completely changed my life. Since I have come to know Him, He has opened wide doors of opportunity for me to share His love with others.
I invite you to come on it, sit down for a bit, and rest in His love.
May your find HIM here. May you come to truly KNOW the lover of your soul, the one for whom you were created to love and serve.
May you find HIM, and in doing so, find the very heart of who you are~