Thursday, March 12, 2020

Just a Tap, Even~

"Just knock on the wall.
Just a tap, even.
I'll be right out there.
If you need anything at all, Beautiful,
just knock and I'll come."

Early in our marriage,
and even earlier in my life,
(probably since infanthood
the doctor had told my mother),
I suffered from migraine headaches.

When I first met my husband, though,
in our early dating years
and on into our newlywed days,
they seemed to be at their peak.

My migraines
(at least to me)
were over the top.
Pain unlike anything describable.
And, my migraines
(at least to me)
were so very scary.
They felt as though my head
would literally explode.

And whenever one hit,
honestly all I could do,
was lay my head down.
To be still.
To try my very hardest
not to move.
Not an inch.
Not the tiniest of movements.
Because if I did -
if I moved my body
even the slightest bit -
my stomach was almost always sure
to join in the fun.

Except my arms.
For some reason,
moving my arms didn't count.
Maybe because I could move them
and the whole rest of me
stayed put.

And early on
into our newlywed days,
seeing the love of his life
suffering with these
(at that time)
fairly regular migraine episodes,
my man took to his knees.
He prayed for healing;
for God to take these headaches away.

But in the meantime,
each and every time
one came,
my husband was there.

At first,
(because lying completely down
wasn't an option -
only making the already incredible pain, worse)
my man would sit behind me,
then I would lean back
onto him,
and settle into his presence.

Feeling him close,
relying on his strength
to hold me up
and letting my own strength go,
healing began.

With his hand,
he would oh, so gently
stroke my hair.
A touch so light
it almost wasn't,
but a touch
that amazingly touched
every part of me.

Minute after minute,
we would sit
in the stillness,
in the dark.

And, minute after minute,
little by little,
the pain would start
to subside.

When it let up enough
for me to lie down,
my man would slowly
slip out from behind me
and oh, so gently
bring pillows up to meet me,
so the transition
was as smooth as possible,
and the movement
as little as possible.

And then -
as he was leaving the room,
he always said these words:

"Just knock on the wall.
Just a tap, even.
I'll be right out there.
If you need anything at all, Beautiful,
just knock and I'll come."

And, he did.
Whether completely absorbed
in an exciting basketball game on TV,
or cooking him something to eat
in our little cocina,
or washing a load of laundry,
if I knocked,
he came.
If I tapped, even,
he was there.

Today,
a migraine brought me
home from work,
and into my bed.
The second of only two migraines
(Thank you, Lord)
I have had
since my husband passed away
four years ago.

As I tried propping myself up,
the tears began to fall.
And the missing of my man
overtook me
with the same intensity
as the pain in my head.

And, I cried and cried and cried.
(And if truth be told,
I am crying here now,
as I type these words.)

The tears fell and fell,
unbridled, unstoppable,
until -
in my heart,
I heard the words
my husband had spoken
over and over again.

Only,
while they were uniquely his,
the voice I heard
whispering them to my heart,
was that of my Abba Father.

"If you need anything at all, sweet girl,
just knock and I'll come."

And, upon hearing HIS words,
upon being reminded of HIS invitation
to come to Him
all who are weary,
all who are in need of rest,
I did what my man did
so many times before.

In my spirit,
without moving an inch,
I went to my knees in prayer.

I leaned back
onto Him,
and I settled into
His presence.
Feeling Him close,
relying on His strength
to hold me up
and letting my own strength go,
healing began.
A touch of healing
so light it almost wasn't,
but a touch
that amazingly touched
every part of me.

Minute after minute,
my God and I
sat in the stillness,
sat in the dark.

And, minute after minute,
little by little,
the pain started to subside.
Soon,
sweet sleep took over.

Four beautiful hours of sleep.

Now, here I sit -
resting on my patio,
a cloudy sky above me,
a light breeze caressing me,
and an orchestra of feathered friends serenading me.

And the intensity of praise
flowing from my heart,
far surpasses
any pain or discomfort from this day.

For The Lover of my soul,
the Great I AM,
my Abba Father -
has restored my soul.

And all it took,
(all it ever takes)
is a simple knock,
the slightest tap, even.

Ask,
and it will be given to you:
seek,
and you will find;
knock,
and it will be opened to you.
~Matthew 7:7

God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
~Psalm 46:1




~Stacy

1 comment:

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