Tuesday, December 3, 2019

Just Try~

Just try.

Just two little words,
and yet in these two words,
I can't help but feel
gentle encouragement,
sweet confirmation,
and a much needed push
from my Heavenly Father.

Just try.

So - - -
I pull out my laptop,
dust off the keys,
make a fresh cup of coffee,
sit in my favorite spot on the patio



And I don't know why.
I can't put my finger on it,
can't wrap my mind around it,
can't define it or explain it -
but for some reason,
a place that once felt so natural
and so inviting,
a place that was raw, revealing,
and so incredibly healing -
now feels daunting,
unreachable, distant.

So - I have stayed away.

But, this staying away
has left me feeling
pent up and full,
unsettled and misplaced,
completely unraveled,
with a whole mess of loose ends.

Because writing has always been
the one place for me
where God has taken all the loose ends
and tied them all together again.

Moments with Him,
just His Spirit and my keyboard,
have always been the moments when
broken pieces were scooped up,
and in the most amazing of ways,
put back together -
not as they were before -
not as I often wished they were -
but always, always, always in a way
that my heart could accept.

Maybe it's because lately
the loose ends
and the broken pieces
aren't from one single heartbreak,
one single disappointment,
one single challenge,
one single mess.

Lately, my heart
has been dealing with a whole lot of ends
and a whole lot of broken pieces
all at the same time.

And it only makes sense
that all these different pieces -
when mixed up all together,
have no choice but to become
one big, huge, tangled mess.

And I remember the words of my sister -

"It's a process you have to work through.
Just like everything else.
You process by writing.
So, write."

Just try.

Just two little words,
but again,
my Heavenly Father speaks them
deep to my heart.

It might be awkward and rough,
it might be uncomfortable and slow in coming,
it might be messy and complicated,
but just try.

So -
here I sit -
processing the all of it
the only way I know how -
one prayer at a time,
one word at a time,
one moment at time.

And amazingly,
my heart is already beginning to feel at home.

Maybe it's not about finding the answer.

Maybe it's not about tidying everything up
in a neat, jagged free bundle.
Maybe it's not about fitting all the pieces together
or making sure all the loose ends are no longer loose.

Maybe it's simply about
over and over and over again
finding God in the midst of it all.

Maybe it's not about making
these shattered areas of my life whole again -
but rather finding my wholeness
in Him
in the midst of all the brokenness.

Maybe it's not about working toward
a finished project,
but rather being willing to accept the finishing work
God is doing in my heart
as I make my way through
the doing,
the experiencing,
the learning,
the living,
the exploring,
the wrestling,
the juggling,
the untangling.

just maybe,
it's not all that complicated at all.

Maybe it is as simple as this:

Just try,
sweet girl.

Just try.


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