Friday, July 5, 2019

Because I Failed Her . . . ~

She sits beside me
as I sit beside my husband.

We are there
waiting for our order.
She is there
waiting for attention.

As my husband
moves toward the counter
to answer a question
about our order,
she reaches for a jacket
as she looks at me and says,
"I love this shirt.
I really do.
It's one of my favorites,
but I hate the way
it is always
inching down in the front,
and I have to keep
pulling it back up.
It makes me uncomfortable,
ya know?
Don't you hate shirts
that do that?"

The shirt she is
referring to
is a low cut,
spaghetti strap style top -
v  e  r  y low cut.

Before I can answer,
she laughs,
and then this precious girl,
no older than
fifteen or sixteen,
continues.

"So, how is your day going?"

"Wonderfully well," I answer.
"And yours?"

"Good. Just hangin' out here
cuz there's not much else
going on, ya know.
I'll probably walk home
in a little while."

"Do you live far from here?"
my husband asks,
as he rejoins us.

"No, not too far.
And my dad might
come pick me up -
if he's not still
mad at me.
If he is,
he'll make me walk.
That's just the way
it goes with us.
It's not bad -
it's just us."

She laughs another laugh,
then turns to talk to one
of the young male workers
who is now on his break,
sitting on the other side of her.

And, I hear God's Spirit
telling me to tell her.

In a quick spin on her stool,
she turns to me again.

"So, since you ordered
a hamburger without the meat,
you must be a vegetarian.
How's that working out
for you?"

This time,
I laugh.

"It's working out ok.
I really don't miss meat at all."

She continues with small talk.

We talk about the way
she loves steak
and how her dad
makes the best
out on the grill,
marinated in his
special garlic teriyaki sauce.

We talk about my purse
and how she loves
the black, white, and tan
print pattern.

We talk about everything
except
what God is telling me
to talk to her about.

Our number is called.
We pick up our order.
I walk out of the door
and out of her life.

As we drive home,
my husband oh so gently says,
"You should have told her.
I thought about telling her,
but it wasn't
for a man to say."

I know what he's talking about,
and he is right -
so
v  e  r  y
right.

"She probably doesn't
have a mother
or anyone in her life
to tell her.

It was obvious
she wanted attention.
And, it was obvious
she felt comfortable
talking with you.

You should have told her -
honest and straightforward,
but wrapped in love,
like you always do.

Don't let those opportunities
slip by, Stacy.

God placed you next to her
for a reason."

As I sit here now,
writing this,
I see her face.

I see
the innocence,
the loneliness,
the beauty,
the struggle,
the reaching out -
and I know
I failed her.

I know
I failed God, too.

I know
I was given
a divine appointment
and
I missed it.

And, my heart hurts.

I long to go back.
I long to hit rewind
and do it
all over again.

But, I can't.
The moment is past.
The door closed.
The opportunity missed.
The words unsaid.

And because
I failed her,
I am pouring these words
out to YOU here.

Everyday
God places
one divine appointment
after another
smack dab in front
of me
(and
in front of you.)

Sometimes I listen
to His prompting
and speak His words.
Sometimes, like tonight,
I don't.

And, as I think back
to the way God leads
and the way
I choose to follow
or not,
I know one thing
to be true.

The only time
I have regret,
the only time
I leave a divine appointment
heartbroken,
the only time
I feel like
I feel right now,
is when
I don't listen,
I don't speak,
I don't step
through the door
He has opened for me.

Don't be like me.

Don't miss His
divine appointments
in your life.

Don't hear His Spirit
telling you to speak
and then choose
not 
to listen,
not
to obey.

Don't miss a moment
to speak a word -
HIS WORD -
that can
turn a life around,
draw a heart closer to His,
completely transform a life.

Listen.
Follow.
Speak.

Don't find yourself
in my heart's shoes -
wresting with
regret and sorrow
because
I failed her.


(Note - this is a post I wrote on my Heartprints of God Facebook page on May 13, 2014. God placed it in front of me again today - and upon hearing His voice  - "tell them" - here it is.)

~Stacy



2 comments:

  1. So beautifully heartbreaking! I am in tears reading this... We all miss opportunities because we feel uncomfortable, or the timing's wrong, or whatever excuse our head comes up with. We need to listen to His prompting. If you don't tell her, who will?

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  2. How beautiful and so very sad :(. There are so many young people ( all ages ) out there just aching for someone to tell them that their life matters and God has a divine destiny already written for them. My prayer is ,God, whoever you set before me, give me the courage and love and compassion to let them feel YOUR love through me. Thank you again Stacy for the reminder that we are to be God's mouthpiece to a lost and dying world.

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Thank you for leaving a "heartprint" of your own.