Monday, June 17, 2019

The Seen and the Unseen~

I often think,
and have even went so far
as to tell some people,
if my husband
(who passed away three years ago)
was somehow able
to come back now,
he would take one quick look at me
and exclaim,
"Girl! What happened to you?"

To which I would reply -
"You! You leaving is what happened to me!"

Now three years later,
in so many respects
and is so many ways,
I have no doubt
I would be
almost unrecognizable
to the one
who knew me so well.

For starters -
I feel as though
I have aged
at least thirty years
in the last three.

Make no mistake about it.
Grieving is hard work.
It is taxing and exhausting -
physically,
mentally,
emotionally,
and yes, spiritually.

Tears that fall uncontrollably.
Sleep that comes sporadically.
Reminders of loss that pop up unexpectedly.
Forward motion that happens hesitatingly
(and only by God's grace and strength -miraculously).

My hair, grayer.
My face, deeper wrinkled.
My stamina, weaker.
My breathing, more labored.
My eyes (I fear), a bit dimmer.

To be honest,
sometimes I
even look in the mirror
and ask myself,
"Girl?! What happened to you!?"

Grief definitely changes you.
Sorrow no doubt affects you.

And while my physical appearance
would definitely
catch my husband by surprise,
once he got over the shock
and spent even the tiniest
amount of time with me,
he would soon discover
I have changed in other dramatic ways, too.

A slowing down and soaking in,
a taking notice of, marveling at, and giving thanks for,
a deeper realization of what matters most,
a greater understanding of the brevity of life,
all interwoven and completely intermingled with
a dire urgency to make each moment count.

An intentionality and purposefulness in each "yes" or "no".
A uncompromisingly bold resolve to not
be swayed by the opinions of others,
be governed by the approval of man,
be sold-out to the system of this world.

A deeper, truer faith and an unswerving desire
to surrender my plans for God's,
to submit my will for God's,
to hold on if God says so,
to let go if God says so,
to trust all the way,
to obey all the way,
to serve, honor, please
and glorify
my God,
not half-way,
not two-thirds of the way,
not three-fourths of the way,
not even 99.9% of the way -
but ALL THE WAY.

No. Matter. Who.
No. Matter. What.
No. Matter. Where.
No. Matter. When.
No. Matter. Why.
No. Matter. How.

To seek first His kingdom.

To walk by faith, not by sight.

To lean not on my own understanding
but in all my ways to acknowledge Him.

To be transformed by the renewing of my mind
so I won't be conformed to the ways of the world.

To desperately pant for God
the way a deer
desperately pants for water.

To desire His truth in my inward parts.

To worship my God in spirit and in truth.

To live a life worthy of the calling of Christ Jesus my Lord.

To die to self that His Spirit
might live in me, and through me, despite me.

Yes, if my man looked closer,
he would discover
soon enough,
that alongside
the obvious,
not to be missed,
can't help but be seen
physical "decay"
and wear and tear of grief,
there has also
risen up in me
a deeper spiritual strength
that cannot be missed.

A strength that
no doubt
was born out of my sorrow,
a direct result of my grief.

Therefore,
we do not lose heart.
Even though 
our outward man
is perishing,
yet the inward man
is being renewed
day by day.

For our light affliction,
which is but for a moment,
is working for us
a far more exceeding and eternal
weight of glory,
while we do not look
at the things
which are seen,
but at the things
which are not seen.
For the things which are seen
are temporary,
but the things which are not seen
are eternal.
~2 Corinthians 4:16-18

It's interesting,
how sorrow and strength
can be so interconnected.
How what feels
as though it will
completely break you,
if placed in the hands of God,
is what becomes
the very thing
that will make you -
stronger,
bolder,
wiser,
meeker,
and more humbly
desperate for God.

And, I often think,
and have even went so far
as to talk about it
with the Lord in prayer,
if my husband
was somehow able
to come back now,
he would take one quick look at me
and exclaim,
"Girl! What happened to you?"
but then,
then . . .
upon closer inspection . . .
he would take another look,
smile a smile uniquely his own,
and with the nod of his head, remark -
"I like it.
I do.
I like these changes a lot, Beautiful."

Me too, Handsome. Me, too.

I'll gladly take the unseen
(even if they come
at great cost to the seen)
any day,
and every time.

. . . being confident
of this very thing,
that He who has
begun a good work in you
will complete it
until the day of Jesus Christ.
~Philippians 1:6




~Stacy


1 comment:

Thank you for leaving a "heartprint" of your own.