Monday, May 20, 2019

When We Choose To Not~

I don't know why
(well, I do know why -
it was raw, messy,
and took absolutely
everything out of me)
when I was little
and my stomach
would feel all out of sorts,
I knew the cure
that would end all of my discomfort
was simply to
(yes - I know)
throw up,
but I did everything within my power
to not.

To not have to deal with that.
To not have to go through that.
To not do the one thing
I really needed to do.

"You just need to get
whatever it is
that doesn't belong
in your body

Words from my mom every time
I found myself in this situation.
And, of course, she was right.
Once I finally did,
I always felt so much better.

Throwing up -
as uncomfortable and as messy as it is,
is simply the body's way of
ridding itself of something -
that left inside the body
has the potential to cause sickness or even death.

And as uncomfortable as
throwing up is -
(even writing about it is somewhat uncomfortable)
there is a blessing to be found at the end of it.

Which in a very round about way
leads me to the last several weeks,
this post,
and this question:

When it comes to spiritual toxins -
like bitterness and unforgiveness,
why aren't we willing
to go through the messiness
of purging these from our heart?

Why do we allow
the very things that
steal our joy,
rob us of our relationships,
and create havoc in our lives
to stay?

And again,
I know why -
because it's raw, messy,
and can take everything out of us -
mainly our pride,
our need to be right and in control,
our desire to win at all cost.

Don't be too quick to overlook
the very last word
of that very last sentence -
with residual bitterness and unforgiveness
there is definitely a cost.

A high cost.

For us.
For the offended
and the offending party.
And yes,
even for innocent bystanders
caught in the crossfire.

The sooner
we purge these toxic feelings
from our heart
and our life,
the better.

When we choose
to not 
rid ourselves of these,
left inside,
these spiritual toxins
have the potential
to not 
only bring death
to our relationships with others,
and possibly even
sickness and death
to our physical body,
but worse of all,
death to our relationship with God.

We know the answer
to this problem.

We know the cure
for this "disease of sin".

And, I wonder -
why do we choose
to not humble ourselves,
to not admit our faults,
to not share our grievances,
to not seek for and if need be
to not offer forgiveness?

Why do we choose
to not
whatever it takes
to purge our heart?

And the greatest question of all:
Can we really afford to not?


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