Our Calling~

Sometimes,

most times, in fact,

we simply don't see it,

and we simply 

have no way 

of truly knowing.

On my knees,

in front of the window

in our spare bedroom, 

a place that has become to me

my own special sanctuary,

the tears fell long and hard.

In this lowly posture,

I found myself 

overcome with shame

and apologizing profusely

to my Heavenly Father.

The date - February 4.

A date that marked 

three years

since my husband passed away.

The shame - wasted time.

Three years of "being still"

and mourning this great loss

with nothing to show 

for the passing of this time.

I know as I wept 

in the presence

of my Heavenly Father,

His comfort was there 

for the taking -

(He is the Comforter, after all),

but my own emotions 

ran so deep,

I had a hard time 

gasping for my next breath,

much less partaking of His comfort.

Eventually, 

I cried myself dry,

but the shame 

that drove me to my knees

was with me still,

as I stood to my feet

and walked out of the room.

It wasn't until a few weeks later,

on February 26th, to be exact,

that my heart,

still burdened low,

was able to hear 

the precious stirring of His Spirit.

I was holding in my hand

the proof copy of my new book,

"You'll Be Fine, Beautiful.

You've Got God."

And, without even thinking about it,

suddenly I found myself thinking about

my husband's funeral

and the words

God had so graciously given to me to share

as I stood in front of a crowd of people -

nothing written down 

on a note in my hand,

just the words flowing from my heart.

Words I no doubt 

wouldn't even remember me saying

if my husband's service 

had not been videotaped by the church

and then given to me 

as a precious treasure.

"I wish he would have known

what a difference he made.  

So many times 

he would come home from work,

discouraged and feeling down.

'I want my life to count.

I want my life to make a difference

and here I am 

just doing this piddly work 

day in and day out.'

And I would tell him,

it's not insignificant 

what you are doing.

I know that to be true

because I know you.

You couldn't be around Steve

without being greeted with

an enthusiastic hello.

You couldn't spend time with him

and not hear him 

speak words of life and encouragement."

Then - these precious words

from my Heavenly Father:

"I wish you would know

what a difference you have made.

These last three years 

have not been idly wasted away.

Every single word

written in each of your books

(and so many more

not included there)

were written during these three years.

What you spent your time doing, -

seeking me in the deepest place of grief,

sharing My faithfulness with others,

I wish you would know

what a difference you have made

because it is not 'insignificant'."

And I wonder 

how many times

you - just like me -

for whatever reason -

either through 

the voice of the world,

the voice of the enemy,

the voice of friends and family,

or the voice from yourself,

have found yourself,

bent over low,

burdened beneath the guilt 

of living a life 

that seems to you

to be insignificant.

How many times

have you questioned

if your life counts?

No, 

sometimes,

most times, in fact,

we simply don't see it,

and we simply have no way 

of truly knowing.

And I think what

both my man and my God

would have me share 

with you here 

are the rest of the words

I spoke on that day,

at that beautiful, hope-filled service,

three years ago.

"I wish he would know

what a difference he made

because it was not insignificant.

And, I wish that each of you 

would understand, too.

You may not feel

like what you're doing 

is making a difference -

but every single life counts.

Every. single. life. counts.

Every person you meet,

every place you go,

every thing you do,

is an opportunity

to bless someone else

with the blessings God has given us

to shower on other people.

He made his life count.

And, I wish we could learn from him -

and as we walk out those doors today,

to just go out

and bless our world

with the love of God

through love for each other."

~Stacy