Thursday, September 14, 2017

When Your Momma Needs You and You Need God~

I stand in the hallway,
resting my head on her bedroom door
in the wee hours of the morning, -
a faint light from the night light
in the bathroom across the hall,
keeping total darkness at bay.

As my hand glides over the wood
separating us at this particular moment,
my heart is overcome with fear to realize
the differences between us,
moment by moment,
day by day,
might be causing my precious mother
to feel barricaded and alone -
alone in her battle,
alone in her fears,
alone in her confusion.

And, I find myself doing what only comes naturally -
wiping tears from my eyes while
crying out to my God.

Lord,
I don't want to fail her -
not now,
not ever.

Lord, she needs me.
But, more than that,
she needs to know
I hear what she isn't saying,
I understand her spoken and unspoken concerns,
I sense her fears,
I realize her struggle,
I'm on her side.

Lord, I need You.
I need Your patience and Your peace,
I need Your wisdom and Your instruction,
I need Your still small voice
whispering to me
boldly, loudly, clearly
what to do,
what to say,
what to meddle into,
what to leave alone.

She's my mother,
my precious mother.
All my life,
she has been the one standing outside
the door of my life,
praying for Godly guidance to lead me.

"Raising you girls was the hardest job I ever had.
I didn't know anything about babies or
how to raise children."

It's an admission she has confessed
and I have heard
time and time again.

But now,
it's my turn.

Lord,
I don't have a clue in the world 
how to honor a parent
in her golden years of life.
I don't know anything about
helping without insulting her independence,
questioning without insulting her intelligence,
interfering without insulting her privacy.

Serving my mom is the hardest job I have ever had,
simply and only because
I don't know how to do it,
right.

Through the door,
I hear the sounds of
what I hope are sweet dreams, -
slow, steady, deep breaths -
and I wipe another tear.

Lord,
may my presence here 
bring with it,
the sweetness of You.

May my being with my precious Momma
day to day,
bring her a sense of 
peace and comfort,
companionship and strength,
joy and relief.

May she find in me now,
what I found in her so many years ago -
safety,
security,
protection,
wisdom,

home.

May she know that she knows that she knows
that I love her,
with every bit of my heart,
I love her.

Lord, 
I need You,
now more than ever
because she needs me
now more than ever.
She needs
what only You can do
for her
through me.

I don't want to fail her, Lord.
I can't fail her,
because she didn't fail me.

Lead me,
that I, in turn,
might have the 
incredible honor
and the undeserved privilege
of leading her.

I stand in the hallway,
resting my head on her bedroom door
in the wee hours of the morning, -
an ever present light
from the God who never fails His children
keeping total darkness at bay.

And, I find myself doing what only comes naturally -
wiping tears from my eyes while
thanking my God.











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1 comment:

  1. Keeping you in prayer during this time. You've undertaken a job that is never easy but brings blessings nevertheless. You are the strongest you've ever been even in what may seem an area of 'weakness'. Take care of yourself too and know that you're loved and thought of every day!

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