Tuesday, August 29, 2017

From This Day Forward, Lord, . . .

I knew I had to come.

What I didn't know
was how fast God
would set one of my reasons for being here
into motion.

As I stepped out of my car,
I felt the warmth of the sun,
the cool of a gentle mountain breeze,
and all the emotions of being at this very spot,
simultaneously.

For 15 years,
minus one -
(our second anniversary)
each August 7th,
my husband and I returned
to the mountain soil where we had once stood,
pledging our love one to another
and exchanging our vows.

Last year,
the first anniversary without my husband,
I spent this special day in the company of my sister,
in another state,
almost 700 miles north.

This year, though,
I knew I had to come back -
for my husband,
for me,
for us.

The fact that we had fulfilled our vows,
that we had stayed husband and wife
until death do us part,
was only by the grace of God.

I knew I had to come to this life-changing spot
on behalf of my husband
as much as for myself,
to thank God for seeing us through.
And, not just through,
but for also graciously bringing us so much closer
to each other and our Savior
through the process of living our everyday life as Mr. and Mrs.

But,
that wasn't the only reason I knew I had to come.

After we had exchanged our vows
and sealed the deal
with one of the sweetest kisses ever,
the pastor who had officiated our ceremony
sent us off
with the words of a prayer.

He prayed,
that we
who had come to this place
as two separate people -
would -
with God's help -
leave from this mountain sanctuary
as no longer he and she,
but as "we"
as us,
as one.

That each step,
each decision,
each turn in the path of life
would find us
single-minded,
single-hearted,
single in purpose.

I knew in my heart
that now,
without my love,
if I was ever going to be able
to move forward in my life,
I had to come back,
stand upon this same soil,
and pray a similar prayer.

As much as I hate the reality of it all,
I was now "one" again.
My other half
no longer by my side.

Lord,
help me to leave from this place today,
no longer as an "us" -
mindful of what my Handsome Honey and I would do,
of what we would dream,
of what we accomplish,
of what we would want,-
but as one,
as me.

Lord,
here I am.
I surrender all to You.
Here is my life.
I place it in Your hands
as the Author and Finisher of my life.
Take the next chapter 
and fill in the pages 
however You desire.

I felt the cool of the breeze again
and with tears streaming down my face
I prayed one last prayer.

Precious Holy Spirit,
blow on my life.
Blow me in whatever direction You want.
I'm Yours.

The following morning,
I received a phone call from my mother.
A trip to a doctor's office
had found her on her way to a local hospital.

I quickly packed my suitcase,
threw it into the trunk of my car
and set out to be with her.

Thankfully, eight hours later
when I walked into the emergency room,
she was being released to go home.

That night,
after she was fast asleep,
while my head rested on my pillow
and my heart rested on my Jesus
in the bedroom down the hall from hers,
I knew God was releasing her into my care.

In my spirit,
I could sense God
gently and oh, so very tenderly
reach into the story of my life,
and turn the page.

With His nail-scarred hand,
He smoothed out the blank page
and began to write.

August 8, 2017

Honor your father and your mother.  

Today,
twenty days later,
I'm still resting my head on my pillow
and resting my heart on my Jesus
in the bedroom down the hall from hers.

Each day,
God is faithfully writing my next chapter -
and with each stroke of His pen,
I am learning what surrender,
true surrender,
is.

"Hopefully, they can figure out what's wrong with me
 and you can get back to living your life," my mom says.

"Oh, don't think you're going to get rid of me that easily," I answer back.
"You and me - we're in it now - bosom buddies."

Because what she doesn't realize,
and what she doesn't know,
is that I am back to living my life.

This chapter,
just happens to be all about her.


God in His wisdom and love
knew
I had to come.










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2 comments:

  1. Be still and know. .that's where I am. .thank you for sharing your love

    ReplyDelete
  2. This chapter,
    just happens to be all about her.
    -----at this point I just wept! that is life exactly, as God leads, and that is the gift with whoever it may be that He places us.
    Thank you for sharing all this beauty from your heart

    ReplyDelete

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