Thursday, July 20, 2017

"Lord, All I Wanted Was . . ."~

most times it seems,
we get handed more
than what we bargained for.

all I wanted was a burrito.

Stopping by a favorite breakfast spot
my husband and I frequented
whenever we were blessed with mornings that "matched",
I stood at the counter
ordering my favorite burrito to go.

I've done this on occasion,
every other two weeks or so,
off and on for almost a year and a half now.

But yesterday,
as I was reaching into my wallet to pay,
the waitress who had waited on my husband and I
time and time again,
reached right into my heart.
As I handed her the money,
she unexpectedly handed me this:

"Are you dating?"

No doubt,
if I'd been eating my burrito at the time,
I would have choked.

"I'm sorry, what?

"It's time.
You need to be.
You're still beautiful and young and he would want you to enjoy your life.
Do it.
It's time."

With that,
she reached over the counter,
swallowed me up in a hug,
handed me my burrito
and sent me out the door.

With a burrito in my hand
and unsolicited words in my heart,
I made my way to my car.
And, I just sat there.

"Lord, all I wanted was a burrito."

The words tumbled out of my heart
in a prayer that said what all the rest of me couldn't.

Minus the burrito part,
it's a prayer the Lord has heard frequently
over the past year and a half.

"Lord, all I wanted was . . . "

Rushing home from work to get my husband to the hospital . . .
only to be too late.

Happily serving the Lord in ministry . . .
only to be let go.

"Lord, all I wanted was . . . "

As I sat in my car,
my burrito getting colder by the minute,
God, in the most amazing way,
began to warm my heart
with reminders of other times
I had spoken this exact same phrase.

Wanting a few extra days of paid time off after my husband's death
only to be given this
and several weeks more -
a gift from my gracious co-workers.

"Lord, all I wanted was . . . "

Wanting my airfare to Delaware covered for my speaking engagement this past March
only to be given this
and a $400 honorarium, and $300 love offering.

"Lord, all I wanted was . . . "

Wanting my expenses covered at a women's retreat I spoke at a week later
only to be given this
and a $100 honorarium, and a $550 love offering.

"Lord, all I wanted was . . . "

Wanting my roof repaired and a damaged ceiling patched up, dry-walled, and painted
only to be given this
and the ordering, delivery, and free installation of a new air conditioner,
a leaky faucet repaired, blinds hung, and so much more.

"Lord, all I wanted was . . . "

"My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts," says the Lord.
"And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.
For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so my ways are higher than your ways
and my thoughts higher than your thoughts."
~Isaiah 55:8-9

"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want."
~Psalms 23:1

Sitting in the parking lot
I began to see the "extras" in my life,
all of them, -
those that I didn't want,
those that I felt left me coming up short,
and those that I knew were over the top,
all in the light of the Good Shepherd.

How could I possibly know what I want?
How could I possibly know what I need?
How could I possibly know
what God has purposed,
what God has planned,
what God has prepared for those who love Him?

The Good Shepherd knows better than me
what I need,
what is best,
what His purposes and His plans are.

Even more than me,
He longs for me to be
lacking nothing.

He longs for me to follow Him.
He longs for me to trust Him.
He longs for me
to see Him,
to hear Him,
to experience Him
in each and everyone of the "extras" of life.

I placed my key in the ignition
and buckled by seat belt.

Yes, sometimes,
most times it seems,
we get handed more
than what we bargained for.

May we learn to thank God for the "more" -
no matter how it comes packaged,
believing if we follow our Good Shepherd,
we will never "want".

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