Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Comfortable in Him~

I read somewhere
that the number one stressor a person can experience in life
is the death of a spouse.

A few places down on this top ten list,
losing your job.

I wonder how they would measure the stress level of both happening within an 8 month period.

Eight months today I said goodbye to my husband.
And yesterday, I cleaned out my office.

And I say,
I wonder how they would measure this kind of stress level,
because
the why and the stress behind all that has happened
fades immensely in comparison
to the overwhelming peace I feel in my heart.

Don't get me wrong.
Losing my husband has shattered my world.
Trying to adjust to a new life without him -
the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

In fact,
it is the loss of my husband,
and the opinion of others that I was not "dealing with it well"
that has me sitting on my patio, soaking up sun, and writing at 1:30 pm in the afternoon.

In order to continue working at my current place of employment,
I was told I needed to attend three counseling sessions.
If I chose not to,
well,
I would no longer be employed there.

I prayed. God spoke. And, here I sit.

Because you see,
the thing of all of it is this:
Yes, I lost my husband.
Yes, everything in my life has changed.
But, the me sitting here 8 months later
is not the same me who first stepped into this grieving process.

The me who is sitting here on my patio
has experienced first hand, -
in the most personal and intimate ways -
the faithfulness of a God who remains the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

The me who yesterday was cleaning out her office after 7 years of calling it "home"
has over the past 8 months
come to know, -
unlike I have ever known before -
that my God has this and my God has me.

The me who felt backed into a corner with an ultimatum
has come to discover and realize
that I don't need to "give in" and surrender to man
if God is calling me to give it up and surrender my life to Him.

I am not the same person now that I was 8 months ago.

8 months ago,
losing my job would have been a huge stressor in my life,
definitely worthy of being on that top ten list.

But, here -
now -
after losing my husband,
I feel only God's peace.

My God has been with me in the most amazing ways these past 8 months,
and my God will. not. fail. me. now.

The past 8 months have not been easy.
I know the days ahead will not be easy either.

But,
the one thing that remains the same,
the one thing that will never change,
the one thing that holds me steady,
gives me peace,
and strengthens my heart is this:
My God is faithful.

So,
here I sit,
doing what my heart longs to do most:
sitting on my patio,
soaking up sun,
writing about the faithfulness of my God,
at 1:30 pm in the afternoon.

Only God,
who,
when we delight in Him,
grants us the dearest desires of our heart,
could orchestrate that.

Thank you, my Abba Daddy.

How you love me!








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1 comment:

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