Monday, October 10, 2016

A Text Between Sisters ~ 10-10-2016

Has everything calmed down?

No. I still hear from people trying to understand what happened, and of course, because none of it makes sense, I can't explain it, and yet people want to understand it, so it just keeps going and going.

Sure.

This too shall pass. It will just take time.

Yep. That's true.

It makes me miss Steve in a brand new, all over again way. Like I'm mourning all over again, and it's tied to him, and it just makes me want to hug him so incredibly bad and so incredibly much.

Sorry.

Can't really explain it - maybe it makes me feel alone in a new way - facing this without him.  Although, I know I'm not alone because I have so many people who love me. I just miss him.

I think it makes perfect sense.
But, no need to justify feelings, right?

(Tears immediately begin to stream down my face.)

Part of me is starting to feel angry.  I think because the way this has been done won't let it go easily. 

Yea. I can see you are a little bitter.
It's coming out in your writing.

(Now, the floodgates burst open and I begin sobbing with all of my being.)

It's a process you have to work through.
Just like everything else.
You process by writing.

Yes. 
I don't want to impact others negatively, though.
It probably is and probably isn't honoring God.

You aren't impacting others negatively.
Quite the opposite!
You are just being honest and there's nothing wrong with that!

If you can feel the bitterness, maybe others can too, and that might not be a good thing. 
I've been trying so hard to keep it positive, but I'm so tired of all of it.

But, that's normal.
You're not super woman.

It's so frustrating. And yet, I know God has a plan - a beautiful plan. I'm excited. I really am.
It's just this in-between place I'm in.  It's tough.

I know it's tough!
And you are handling it all WAY BETTER than I ever could!!!!

And, so much hurt.  
Hurt on top of what was already hurt.  
Hurt upon hurt upon hurt.

Right. I get that, too.
Lots of healing to come.
But, God will help with that, too.
I didn't mean to upset you.

(How does she know I am crying?)

No. God used you to speak to me because I have been asking Him if the things I have posted recently have been appropriate or not. I don't want to get even, I just want to point to Him.  Well, maybe I DO want to get even, but I know God is calling me to take the high road and just point to Him through it all.

Read this:
I just want you to know this. I only met you about a year ago. From the very first moment I felt the holy spirit in you. God is so proud of you. You have blessed so many lives just with your heart for God. He radiates from you. It was hard to hear what has happened with your job. It seems unbelievable that your church Staff would put you in this position. I truly hope they heard from God on that one because they just lost the best representation of their church I have seen. Then there is your beautiful forgiving heart that shows love even though it is hurting beyond words. Stacy I wouldn't be able to breath if I lost my husband and I would have to fight being bitter, and in the middle of all your struggle you still minister to people. I have been thinking about you and how could you possibly do that.....then God showed me it is because you have a true honest relationship with Jesus and it doesn't matter what people do to you. It might sting for a while but GREAT IS YOUR REWARD. It is an honor to know you and I am praying that you receive all the beautiful things life can offer and more.

So many people leave me comments like this. How can I tarnish this with bitter posts?
I needed your words today.  Thank you.

That was a beautiful message.

Thank you for always being honest.
For "getting me".
I feel a lot of pressure - like the whole world is watching me walk this walk.
More now even than when I lost Steve.

Sure.
You do have a lot of people watching you.
That's hard!
But, it's also a beautiful blessing!

This whole text message might end up in a blog post - just saying'.

Gotta walk this walk right!
Gotta "go good'!
Not bitter, but good!

You are doing good!

Don't ever want to use this precious gift God gave me (writing) in a way that is selfish or to get even!
It's sacred! It has to stay sacred!

It will!

Thank you! I feel so much better!

I really didn't mean to upset you.

(How did she know?)

You didn't. 
You redirected me back to my calling.
SO blessed to have you in my life.

Love your heart!
Love you.
So much!!!!!!

I am so glad you do!!!!
Love you right back!









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