Thursday, August 11, 2016

When We is Better Than Me~

I sit in the background,
just watching and observing,
and seeing more of myself than I would like to admit.

As my sister lives out her days
mothering her two children,
I can't help but catch glimpses of me in her 18 month old.

Knowing he desperately wants something,
but not at all sure of what it is,
he pushes away her attempts to
step in and help.

As he falls to the ground
in a puddle of frustration
she reaches down to
rub his back and bring comfort,
or take his hand
and gently help him back up,
only he will have none of it.

With tears streaming from his eyes
and cries that can be heard a mile away,
he slings his arm around
as if to say "No! No! No!"

Every one watching,
even his 9 year old brother,
can see he is refusing what he wants the most -
the ability to do what he cannot do on his own.

And, it is in this moment I see me:

Sitting in the middle of the floor of life,
not at all sure of what I want,
tears streaming down my face,
my cries of sorrow and frustration loud enough to be heard a mile away,
slinging my arm around
as if to say "No! No! No!"

And, I see those around me
and my precious Heavenly Father, too,
trying so desperately
to help,
to comfort,
to offer their assistance
in any form or any way that I might need,
and yet,
I refuse to
reach out and receive it.

And, I have a feeling,
as you are sitting in the background,
reading these words unfold upon your screen,
you might be seeing more of yourself than you would like to admit.

It's a common problem,
this need for independence that leaves us completely undone,
rolling miserably around in the middle of our completely dependent lives.

For how can we who were created
ever hope to do life alone
without our Creator?

How can we who have
need upon need,
hurt upon hurt,
frailty upon frailty,
ever hope to be
completely full,
completely healed,
completely whole
all. on. our. own?

As my sister scoops down
and picks up my nephew
in one quick move,
he eventually settles into the
comfort found in her embrace,
the strength undergirding his own,
the closeness of being held,
and peace returns.

Maybe it's time
I let others help me.

May it's time
I let God hold me.

Maybe it's time
you did, too.

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