Thursday, July 21, 2016

When God Smiles~

God must have been sitting on the edge of Heaven just waiting for this moment.

He who delights in our delight
and who promises to give us the desire of our heart,
must have been ready to burst!

As I was organizing the items I will be taking with me to a speaking engagement this weekend, I reached for the same bag I used the last time I spoke.

Not surprisingly, (especially if you know me) when I opened it up and peered inside, I discovered it was still home to old notes, pencils, pens, tissue, and several different note pads. As I reached in and started pulling the old out so I could make room for the new, I found the most amazing treasure.

A note.

Not just any note.

A note from my Handsome Honey.


Not just any note from my Handsome Honey,
but a note he had lovingly (and sneakily) tucked into this very bag
two years ago
when I was heading to the mountains to speak  -
for the very first time,
at the very first women's retreat I had ever had the privilege to attend,
much less the honor of speaking at!




Moments before making this God-orchestrated discovery,
I had been on my knees,
leaning into the recliner where my husband always sat,
my head resting where his lap was supposed to be,
longing to hear his voice,
wanting so much to hold his hand,
and wishing I could look into his face.

As tears ran down my cheeks,
I wished for what quite possibly could be the millionth time
that he was here,
that he could speak words of encouragement,
that he could pray with me, pray over me, and pray me through.

After a few moments,
when I had cried my tears dry,
I surrendered for what quite possibly could be the millionth time
this second-guessing God's plan,
this wanting so desperately for my man to be present here,
this desperate desire to undo what God himself had so mercifully done.

As God's Spirit tenderly, yet powerfully, infused my inner man with strength,
I  headed to the bedroom to pack.

That's when it had happened.

That's when I had made this discovery.

And, I can't help thinking,
that when I did,
God, himself,
smiled a smile so big
all of Heaven must have seen it.

It wasn't my man,
but it was his words,
and having this to hold in my hand
was the next best thing to him being here.

And, I thought about how
so many times,
even before losing my husband,
I have been homesick for Heaven,
Not so much the place,
but for The One who makes Heaven, well - Heaven.

How,
when my heart longs to be near Him,
to reach out and hold His nail-scarred hands,
and climb up into His lap of love,
I do
what I can only do
this side of Heaven.

I reach for my Bible.
I reach for His love letter to me.
I reach for His words,
and having this to hold in my hand
and tuck into my heart,
is the next best thing to being face to face with my Abba Daddy.

And, I can't help thinking,
that every time I do,
reach for by Bible, that is,
or spend time in prayer with the Lover of my soul,
God, himself,
smiles a smile so big
all of Heaven must surely see it.






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1 comment:

  1. What a special gift! God bless you on this journey through grief. What a lovely man you are missing.

    ReplyDelete

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