Friday, February 19, 2016

When Almost was More than Enough~

Two weeks ago yesterday, everything changed.

It was 4:50 pm.

Trying to wrap up everything on my to-do list before heading home from my office,
I was busily working away when my phone rang.

"Hi, Beautiful. Do you think you'll be able to get away right at 5 tonight, or will you need to stay late?"

"Hi, Handsome. No, I should be able to leave here in about 10 minutes."

"Instead of running errands, do you think you could just come straight home?"

"Sure. Is everything ok?"

"I think I might need to go somewhere for some help. I'm not feeling quite right."

"I'm on my way. Don't worry.  I'm coming right now."

I grab my keys and purse, and as I head out the door, I mention to a co-worker my husband needs me and I have to go. NOW.

Buckling my seat belt and starting my car, I phone my husband.

I talk with him all the short 6-8 minute drive home, assuring him with each turn and each intersection passed I am almost there.

"I'm going to call an ambulance," he finally says. "That way I will be able to get in to see a doctor sooner once we're at the hospital."

"Ok, Handsome.  Hold on, I'm coming.  I'm almost there. I'm almost there, Handsome. Love you."

And with that, our conversation ends.

Traffic begins blurring with panic and erupts in heart cries to my God.

"Oh, Lord. Be with my husband. Help him, Father God.  I'm almost home.  I'm almost there, Lord.  Help him.  Help me be able to help him once I get there.  Oh, Father God, I'm almost there."

A half a minute or so later, I pull into the drive.
It's 4:58 pm.
I race to the front door and into our home.

"Honey, I'm here. It's ok, now. I'm here."

My ears and my heart met with only a deafening silence.

"Honey!!  I'm here!!"

I turn the corner of our hallway and see his legs and feet (and his phone), lying motionless.
And, I see him there, lying in the bathroom, and I know.

I was too late.







Only,
looking at the radiantly peaceful look on my man's face,
feeling surrounded by the gentle hush of angels,
experiencing as never before the peace that can only be the presence of God,
I know in the deepest place of my heart,
God is here,
in our bathroom,
in our home,
in this moment,
in this timing.

I was almost there,
but God,
God is here.

Here with His kindness and His mercy.
Here with His "in an instant" blessing.
Here with His arms open wide.
Here with my husband then,
here with me, now.

And all I can do,
as I hold his hands tight,
rest my head on his chest,
and cry until I feel as though my own heart will give out,
is thank my God.

It is God who blessed me with this man
25 years ago when we first met.

It is God who blessed me with the gift of being his wife almost 16 years ago.
(We had dated 10 years before saying I do because he had to be sure he was sure!)

It is God who blessed me to be the one to live alongside this man as he lived out the day to day
living of his extraordinary life.

It is God who blessed me with his last words, and almost his last moment.

And, it is God who was with my husband at his last breath.

When I was almost there,
God was there,
more than I could have ever hoped or imagined,
more than I could have ever wanted for my husband.

When I was almost there,
less than half a minute away,
God was there,
and it was more than obvious
God was (and always will be) more than enough.




(Thank you in advance for praying me through what I know is going to be one of the hardest places I have found myself in life.  Through it all, I am holding on to my God who I know is and always will be more than enough.)








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18 comments:

  1. What a beautiful testimony. God Bless You Dear Friend.

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  2. oh my goodness. Your husband passed away? that is sad, do you have help? family near you? Is the service over? How are you managing alone?

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    1. Thank you for your love and concern. I have had family around me and my husband's service was a beautiful testimony to the difference God can and will make in our lives. In my alone times (which so far, thankfully, have been few) I am leaning in close to God and trusting Him to carry me through. Thank you for your prayers.

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  3. Stacy,
    I must not have been paying attention to your blog the last few weeks! I didn't know that you lost your husband! This was a beautiful testimony that is so fresh but full of anguish yet peace. What can we do to help carry you through?

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    1. Jk F,
      Really, knowing you are praying is all and everything I need. Thank you.

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  4. Prayers, daily and nightly, for you. I am in tears, reading this post. I had missed your posts the past two weeks, and now I know why they were absent from my inbox. Beautifully written, as always.

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  5. Your words have always blessed me....even here in your hardest pain you bless...thank you and I am praying for you!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for your prayers, Kim. To know you and others are praying for me brings my heart such comfort and peace.

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  6. Stacy
    I am so sorry for your loss and I pray you will continue to fund peace and comfort in the arms of our Lord. Be encouraged by Ps 91:4 "He will cover you with his feathers and in his wings you will find refuge"
    I will be praying for you my sister and I find it truly encouraging that in the midst of such pain you have strength to share this and write in such a profoundly inspiring way to touch others. God bless you and keep you and your family
    Do you have a support network? How may I help?

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    Replies
    1. Stacy I have seen your latest responses. Am happy your and his family are supporting you. Will keep you and then in my prayers. God bless

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  7. Stacy, I have been keeping you in prayer since your last post.
    I (and many others!) will continue to do so.

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  8. Oh Stacy,I'm so sorry for your loss! Your testimony of the Lord's peace and comfort in such a place of grief and loss is truly wonderful,may you continue to find Him always to be more than enough.Big hugs my friend.xxxxx

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  9. Stacy, I am so, so sorry. My heart is hurting for you. Wish I were closer and could sit with you today. I am praying for you this morning. Love and hugs, Shelly

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  10. praying for you, my heart aches over your unthinkable loss. thanking God for you, in awe of the faith and beautiful mind He has bestowed upon you. Thank you for using ALL of yourself for His glory. May His peace and comfort engulf you.

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  11. Stacy, I'm so very sorry for your deep loss. I was taking a break from Facebook and didn't hear of this until now when I read that you missed his snoring, so I came (apprehensively) to find out what happened. I pray that God will continue to bring to mind all of the blessings that He gave in your marriage and keep you strong in the faithful assurance that He is in control and all of His ways are perfect and good. I pray that you will feel His presence and know through and through that you are utterly and completely loved by Him. I pray that your mourning will lessen and your joy increase bit by bit as the days pass. Thank you for sharing this intensely personal experience and allowing God to use it for His glory. I love you, my dear sister in Christ. You are a blessing to all of us with your gentle, inspiring words, and we are lifting you up to our beautiful Lord in prayer.

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  12. My heart breaks for you Stacy...having lost my precious daughter on 11/26/15...I understand your grief...holding your hand <3

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