Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Because I Have~

He lifts his eyes just high enough and quick enough to see my reaction.  Then, drops his gaze to the ground once again. We stand in the entryway at church. Not quite inside, but not all the way outside either.

Without missing a beat, I answer his question.
It is my answer that startles him in the way he had expected his remark to startle me.

Feeling backed into a spiritual corner, he had done what any of us would have done.  He lashed out. He grasped for a straw to stand on.  He spoke words intended to shock, distract, and lead me away from the issue at hand.

"What if there is no God?" he had yelled, breaking his up-to-this-point silence.

"That's up to you to find out." I answered back, as calm and as collected as someone who has been in his shoes, because I have.

I have stood where he is now standing - half in, half out.
I have questioned what he is now wondering - what if He is, what if He isn't.
I have responded how he is now reacting - in fear, in doubt, in unbelief.
I have wrestled who he is now fighting - the enemy of the soul.

I have been in his shoes.

It is this revelation that startles him the most.

As his sixth grade eyes once again look up and peer into my almost fifty year old eyes, I see it.

A heart afraid it might be a fairy tale.
A heart hoping it might be true.
A heart scared of what surrendering might mean.
A heart desperate to know.

"We each have to find God for our self." I say.  "To know him from our own heart, to experience him in our own life, to accept him in our own time, to love him for our own Savior."

His eyes are down again, and his body language is trying to communicate to me that he is not listening.

But, I know he is.
A searching heart is always listening.

He turns away and steps out into the bright sunlight.

"And a truth-revealing God is always speaking," I remind myself,
 as calm and as collected as someone who has been in his shoes,

because I have.

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