The Sum of Life~

I flip the calendar page from April to May.

It takes less than a second.

Tomorrow, we step out into a brand new month and  I can't help but wonder.
Where have those before it gone?
And when?
When did they go?

Wasn't it just yesterday that my sweetheart and I were trying to keep our eyelids open until midnight so we could welcome in 2013 with a kiss?

Wasn't it just a day or two ago when we sat at our favorite table at our favorite restaurant enjoying a Valentine's dinner complete with a basket of heart shaped sopapillas? 

Wasn't it just a moment ago when tulips peeked through the grass and our long lost friends, Mr. and Mrs. Robin, surprised us one evening?

{Photo Credit}

Wasn't it only yesterday that it was today?


Four months of this year have already slipped by.  One-third of 2013 is already history.
Time is marching on and it doesn't look as though
it is concerned with whether or not anyone else is
joining in on the march.

It's a funny thing about time.

We can spend it anyway we want,
but we can only spend it once.

And yet, how frivolously I let the hours of my days, months, years and life trickle right though my hand. 

I don't know the answer. 

I don't know how to grab a hold of life and live it to the fullest every single moment of every single day. 

I don't know how to make the days on my calendar transform from blank boxes to completely used up and wrung dry moments of life.

But, tomorrow, it's a brand new month.
Tomorrow, it's a brand new day.
Tomorrow, it's a brand new moment.

Maybe the answer isn't found in the brand new... maybe, it is found in now.

Maybe the key to living my life is found in the living of my life -
moment by moment, day by day, right now.

Maybe life is
a kiss at midnight,
the sweetness of a honey-dipped sopapilla,
the beauty of a tulip and the chirp of a robin.

Maybe I have packed more living into my life than I realize.

Maybe this is the sum of life....

Seize life! Eat bread with gusto,
Drink wine with a robust heart.
Oh yes—God takes pleasure in your pleasure!
Dress festively every morning.
Don't skimp on colors and scarves.
Relish life with the spouse you love
Each and every day of your precarious life.
Each day is God's gift. It's all you get in exchange
For the hard work of staying alive.
Make the most of each one!
Whatever turns up, grab it and do it. And heartily!
This is your last and only chance at it,
For there's neither work to do nor thoughts to think
In the company of the dead, where you're most certainly headed.
~ Ecclesiastes 9:7-10, (MSG)

But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do,
what God is looking for in men and women.
It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor,
be compassionate and loyal in your love,
And don't take yourself too seriously—
take God seriously. 
~  Micah 6:8, (MSG)

I flip the calendar page from April to May.

It takes less than a second.


But maybe,
just maybe,
the memories of today,
will last an entire lifetime~




 

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Even To the Very End~

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When Your Heart Breaks~

It's happened to me before, but this time it hurt.  It really hurt.

Maybe it's happened to you, too.

This morning as I was combing my hair, brushing my teeth, applying mascara and preparing for my day, I was also singing along with the songs playing on my favorite Christian radio station.  For me, singing along is a natural part of my morning routine.

Since I know most of the songs by heart, the words roll off my tongue as easily as toothpaste glides onto my toothbrush.  Admittedly, sometimes, neither are given much thought.

But, there was that one line.

As soon as I sang the words, I heard them echoing back, reverberating off  the callouses of my heart.

Father, break my heart for what breaks yours.*

Minutes later, I head out the door and into the world. Soon, I am lost in the busyness of my day.  Projects, deadlines, and to-do lists keep my mind occupied. 

Until, later that afternoon.

Once again,  I find myself mindlessly singing along to the radio, and once again, the Lord taps me on the shoulder of my heart with that one line.

Father, break my heart for what breaks yours.

Work done for the day, I close the door to my office and head to the supermarket to pick up a few items for dinner.

And that's when it happens.

It's as though the Lord has removed the blinders from my eyes and for the first time,
I see people. 

Not the clothes they are wearing,
or the items in their shopping cart,
or the way they are between me and the item I am trying to reach on the shelf behind them,

but,
her,
and him,
and them.

I see a mother who is trying to keep her eye on five small children; eyes that are framed with black circles and lines of worry and fatigue.

I see a teenager hiding the insecurity of his heart behind long strands of hair; a curtain over his eyes, covering the windows to his soul.

I see an elderly lady struggling to keep her footing; the foundation of her youth, deteriorating with the passing of time, is leaving her unsteady, unsure and uncomfortably insecure.

I see a young, professional-looking couple strolling side by side, smiling and nodding in gestures that imply "yes, some of that" or "no, not today" ; their akward silence announcing to all that "I love you" often goes unsaid, too.

I see a small young boy following  behind his father as they turn left down the aisle that leads to the liquour department;  his fearful eyes can already see where this fateful turn will lead once they are home, behind closed doors.

And, right there - 

in the middle of the aisle,
in the middle of these people,
in the middle of my selfish, self-absorbed heart,

 I hear that one line.

Father, break my heart for what breaks yours.

And, my heart breaks.

{Photo Credit}

My Heavenly Father has been faithful to answer the prayer I have sang to Him through out my day. 


And, this time......

                     
                     this time,


it hurts. 




* Matthew West, My Own Little World

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Pure Joy~

 

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Simply Abide~

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A Serving of Grace~

"That's what I need to do.  I know it is."

She places a plate of eggplant parmigiana on our table.  Then, turning to the tray, she picks up a plate of lemon rosemary chicken. 

"I need to get back to church."

As she positions the plate in front of my husband,
she looks at us with a look that pleads, "please don't judge me."

Making small talk while she delivered our meal,
our waitress had asked what my husband and I do for a living.

"My wife is in ministry.  She is a Children's Minister at a church here in town. She also leads out in Women's Ministry."

Upon hearing this, her eyes lit up and looked deep into the center of mine.

"Oh, that's nice.  That really is.  That's so neat that you do that."

Then, her eyes dimmed as she mentioned her own need to return to church.

"It's been hard.  Really hard.  I'm not going to lie."

She twists the towel in her hand.  I can tell her turmoil runs deep.

"I know it's not God's fault.  I know that.  It's just a lot of things have happened. You know how life goes.  And well, I just got discouraged, that's all.  Yeah, I'm just discouraged.  But, I know I need to go back.  I really do. I need to go back to church."

A thirsty customer, sitting in the booth behind us, begs for her attention.

"Enjoy your meal."

She reaches for the tray and heads to the next booth.

I reach out and take the hand of my husband, and he prays. 
A prayer for grace.
Grace which will flow from the throne room of Heaven and heal this wounded heart.

Before I have finished twirling my first taste of spaghetti, she is back.

"I''m sorry.  Don't get me wrong.  I'm not one to unload my problems on other people. But, it's just so unfair.  I gave him everything, you know.  I tried my best to make him happy.  I did.  He just took me for granted.  Finally, I knew what I had to do and I moved back here."

We nod, and listen, and silently pray.

"My mom tells me to just keep the faith.  That other women have gone through this, too.  That I'm not the only one.  She tells me to take care of me and let God take care of bringing a man into my life.  It just hurts, you know?"

She reaches for a napkin tucked deep in a pocket on her apron.  Her tears fall freely now, no longer hidden behind her smiling face and upbeat personality.

"I'm sorry.  I need to check on my other customers."

When she returns, my husband speaks the words her heart is longing to hear. 

{Photo Credit}

"God loves you. 
He loves you more than you know.
He'll never take you for granted. 
He loves you,
not for what you do or don't do,
but just because He loves you.

It's not "a church" you need to get back to,- it's God. 

He understands your heart and your hurt.

He's still there, you know,
waiting for you with open arms."

A smile peeks out of tears, and a tiny sparkle shines from her eyes.

"Thank you. 
Thank you so much.
 I really appreciate those words.
 I do. 
They mean a lot to me. 
Thank you for listening. 
Thank you for caring."

"We'll pray for you.  And you pray, too, ok?"

She nods her head, wipes another tear and sets our bill on the table. Then, she turns around and begins to wipe off the table across the aisle. 

I reach in my wallet and take out my "business" card.
On the back, I write this simple truth:

God loves you.  Always and forever. ♥

As we walk to the exit, we spot her in a small alcove, leaned up against a counter, looking through her orders.

"For you. If ever you'd like to talk, or to stop by the church and visit."

She looks at the card, then turns it over
.
As she reads the words I have written there,
she stumbles heart first into God's grace. 

I know.

I see it in her eyes. 

She hugs me.  Then,  she hugs my husband.

She wipes away a another tear.
So do I.
And, so does my husband.

We all seem to know this isn't the end.  This is just the beginning.

For God's grace has no end.

And this precious heart,
has just found her way back home.~

(Re-posting from June, 2012)







 

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Pray for Them~

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Waste Not, Want Not

I'm sure you've heard the old saying, "waste not, want not".

My mother was as dependable as a rock about quoting this particular saying whenever I sat at the table with a plate of liver and onions in front of me or anytime my plate was home to some sort of creature that used to reside in the sea. (Hmm....looking back on it, the fact that I'm now a vegetarian isn't that odd, after all. But, I digress).

The point then and now is simply this.

It you don't use something in its entirety,
if you fail to
guzzle the very last drop,
swallow the very last crumb,
squeeze out the very last bit,
you may later find yourself coming up short and wishing you had.
You might find yourself  "wanting".

Today, as I was driving home from work, listening to my favorite Christian radio station, a short, simple, to the point statement by the DJ got me thinking.

"Nothing is wasted in God's Kingdom."

The word nothing always gets me thinking.  When used in conjunction with God's Kingdom, my mind simply had no choice but to whirl this thought around and around and around.

Nothing.

If nothing is wasted, then everything must be used.

Right?

As this idea tried to wind its way from my head to my heart, I thought about one of the most quoted scriptures of the Bible.

And we know that all things 

work together for good 

to them that love God, 

to them who are the called according to his purpose.

~Romans 8:28

All things.  Everything.  Nothing wasted.

God has a purpose for every single thing in our life.

The good.

The bad.

The happy.

The sad.

It is God's desire to use them all for good.
Sometimes, though, I wonder if I thwart His plan.

Sometimes,
when I go through a heartache,

{Photo Credit}

instead of allowing God to use it for good,
in bitterness or anger,
I turn up my nose,
push it away,
and turn my back on the whole thing.

Sometimes,
when I don't want to suffer,
I waste the heartache,
because instead,
I willfully choose to
detour around the purpose in the pain,
miss out on the lesson in the tears,
and sadly,
forgo the blessing that is waiting to be squeezed out.

I want what I want and in my wanting I end up in want.

As a child, I didn't want to eat my liver and onions - no matter how many times my mother told me they would give me iron or assured me they were "good" for me.  And, because I didn't want to, sometimes (when my stubbornness won out and my mom was wore out) I didn't. Instead, I went to bed hungry and in want of something to fill my stomach and ease my hunger pains.

It's the same spiritually.

There is nothing wasted in God's Kingdom...
UNLESS, you and I choose to waste the blessing God has placed before us.

You and I won't walk away from the table of God's will hungry and still in need of spiritual nourishment
UNLESS, we choose to refuse the feast God has served us.

Now, as an adult, I am mindful of mindlessly throwing away that which can be salvaged, recycled, or re-used.  I try to be a good steward of the money and the possessions God has lavished upon me.

Shouldn't the same be true in my spiritual life?

A chance to comfort others with the comfort I've been given,
an opportunity to learn from the pain and grow in the strain,
an invitation to become more like Jesus through it all,
all these are too priceless
to throw out the backdoor of my heart,
and into the dumpster of life.

How I (and possibly you, too)
need to glean all I can from the ALL of my life.
How I (and possibly you, too)
need to reach out, embrace, and guzzle up every last drop of the pain.
How I (and possibly you, too)
need to reach down, pull out all the stops,
and squeeze out every last bit of blessing from each and every teardrop.

How I (and possibly you, too)
need to
endure,
persevere,
press on,
so, in the end,
we won't be found in want,
but rather,
we will be found in Him,
in Christ Jesus,
complete, and lacking nothing*. ~♥

* James 1:4




 

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Won't Regret It~

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The Gift of Sight~

As soon as I turn the corner, I see him.
White cane in hand, he taps his way along the sidewalk.
The tilt of his head in my direction lets me know he has "seen" me, too.

As I slowly drive past,
I try to imagine life in his shoes.
Guided by touch.
Navigating through life by way of sound.
Living each moment without truly seeing all that the moment holds.

To not be able to see a sunrise.
To not be able to stand atop a vista and take in the view.
To not be able to gaze into the eyes of a child.
To not be able to read a hand-written letter.
To not be able to see your reflection in a mirror.

As I make my way on down the street,
heading back into my own life,
I steal one more view of him in the rear-view mirror.

And, I see it.

The face of this man is not only sporting darkly tinted glasses,
 but also a smile.

I pull into the parking lot at the church where I serve as a Children's Minister.
As I turn off the engine and prepare to step out into my day,
I pause in the silence and I wonder.
. 

Is it possible to be blind and yet still see?
Is it possible to see and yet be so very blind?

Hear this, you foolish and senseless people,
    who have eyes but do not see,
    who have ears but do not hear.

    ~Jeremiah 5:21

Do you have eyes but fail to see, 

and ears but fail to hear? 

~ Mark 8:18

 

Vision. 
It is so much more than seeing what is in front of us. 

Sitting in my car,
I realize I may be the one who is walking blindly through life.
Guided by fear.
Navigating through life by way of
earthy cares and concerns,
insecurities and doubt.
Living each moment without truly seeing all that the moment holds.

To not be able to see the heartache underneath the smile of a dear friend.
To not be able to see the sin in my own heart.
To not be able to see God's design for my life tucked into the trials and disappointments.
To not be able to see the strength I possess because Christ lives in me.
To not be able to see the blessings of today because I'm stuck in the past and worrying about the future.
To not be able to see God in the everyday moments of my day.

I look in the rearview mirror to check my appearance before I head into the office.
No dark glasses,
but no smile, either.

Lord, I want to see.
I don't want to stumble through life
only catching a glimpse of you here
or a brief view of you there.
I want to see you in everything,
 in all, 
in the WHOLE of my life.
Touch the eyes of my heart, Lord.
Remove all that hinders me from having a clear view.
OPEN. MY. EYES.
I want to see, Lord.




I step out of my car
and head to the door of the church.

As I walk along the sidewalk,
I look up,
and,

I see it.

There,
as plain as day,
is a heart-shaped cloud.



God's healing touch has already begun,
and I smile.~♥

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Seeds of God's Love~

 

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Hidden in The "No"~

I will never forget the conversation I had with an elderly lady several years ago. 

We were seated next to one another at a conference on prayer. After the last session, as everyone was packing up their Bibles and leaving the room, she leaned over and asked, "Do you believe in prayer?" 

"Yes. I do," I replied. 

"I don't," she stated matter-of-factly. 

 Her answer caught me off guard - so off guard, in fact, that before my mind had time to pray about a response, my mouth blurted out, "You don't? Why not?" As we sat back down, she told me her story.

The love of her life, her husband of 30+ years, had found another love. He made no excuses, just an honest, "I don't love you anymore" followed by divorce papers and an empty side of the closet where his clothes once hung. For years, (40+ years I discovered), she had prayed night and day for God to bring her husband back home. 

"It wasn't that he was wonderful at being a husband, because he certainly was not. But, he was mine. You understand, don't you, dear? He was mean, uncaring, selfish, but he was mine. All these years, I have prayed. And, all these years my prayers have gone unheard by God, and unanswered. I used to believe in prayer, but not any more. Not now. It's obvious God doesn't care about me."

"From what you've told me, this man caused you heartache and grief even before he left you. Why would you want him back in your life? I'm sure the way he treated you must have hurt God's heart. Have you ever stopped to think that God loves you SO MUCH he chose not to subject you to that abuse any longer? Maybe what you think is God saying "no" is actually God saying "I want so much better for you."

Her eyes filled with tears and for a moment she turned away from me. Then, she reached out, took hold of my arm and began sobbing uncontrollably. 

"I never thought of it like that. Why haven't I ever thought of it like that? All these years I've been so angry at God for not listening, for not answering, for not caring. Maybe God was hearing me, after all. Maybe, just maybe, he was watching out for me, in spite of me. Thank you." And with that, she darted out of the room.

40+ years this women had allowed a broken relationship to hold her prisoner. 

 40+ years this woman had allowed bitterness and anger to rob her of her relationship with God. 

 I'll never forget our conversation. I'll never forget her tears. I'll never forget the look in her eye when she saw God's heart in a new light - the light of His love for her, in spite of her anger, in spite of her bitterness, in spite of her pleas.

Our God loves us like no one ever has or ever will. 

When we don't understand His ways, when we don't get our way, when we pray and pray and pray and feel as though God doesn't care, HE DOES. All the time, more than we can ever know or ever imagine, He does.

Disguised in what appears to be silence is a love that we can't even begin to comprehend.  Hidden in "no" is often a merciful, tender, "I want so much better for you".

Does God hear our prayers? Every single one.

Does God answer our prayers? Every single time.

Do I believe in prayer? Yes, I do.~♥

 

 

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All~

 

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Maybe, It's Just a Comma~

Never place a period where God has placed a comma.
-Unknown

So often,
when God gets still and
our prayer seems lost somewhere between earth and heaven,
we jump to the conclusion that God is
not listening,
not caring,
not moving.

We start to believe we've come to a dead end,
that this is "just the way it will always be."
We place a period at the end of our hope,
the end of our dream,
the end of faith.

And yet,
so many times,
when we can't sense God working,
when everything is still,
when we feel as though God has said "no",
God is simply pausing.

Pausing until
the circumstances are right,
the answer is right,
the timing is right.

We want it at this very moment,
God wants it the moment it should be.
We want it now,
but God wants it perfect.
We want what we want,
God wants what is best.


 



Don't mistake God's comma for a period.
While you are pausing,
while you are waiting on God,
keep trusting,
keep hoping,
keep believing.

In the end, it will be worth the wait.
When God is all said and done,
all you will be able to say
 about what He has done 
is "Thank you, God".~♥

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Each Word a Gift~

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Each Second A Gift~

My Bible,

 a cup of vanilla/hazelnut coffee with cinnamon sprinkles on top,

 my camera, 

my laptop, 

a couple of turtles,

 birds of all feathers, 

my little dog Sally.....

all companions as I enjoy this beautiful spring morning out on our patio. 

 What a beautiful way to start the day.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Today, take some time to enjoy YOUR life.
Slow down and savor the every day moments -

Feel the breeze caressing your face,
the sun soaking deep into your muscles and tissues,
the air as each breath fills your lungs.

Hear the symphony of praise coming from birds far and near,
the laughter of children,
the song of the wind through a pine tree.

See the blue of the sky and the white of the clouds,
the dance of leaves and the ballet of butterflies,
the petals of a flower and the bark of a tree.

Smell the blossom in full bloom,
the barbecue two houses down,
the scent of rain as the sprinkler showers the dry earth.

Taste the coffee in your cup,
the kiss of your sweetheart,
the incredible goodness of the Lord.

Don't let this day slip by.
Don't let this moment go unnoticed.
Don't miss right here, right now.
Each moment is special.
Each second a gift.
Enjoy every single morsel of it.~♥

This is the day the Lord has made;
let us rejoice and be glad in it.
~Psalm 118:24

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Not Be Shaken~

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Keep Going~

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More Precious than Gold (or a Debit Card)~

An unprecedented number of children attending the 8:30 Children's Church Worship Service had me racing through Wal-mart on Easter Sunday. What a glorious morning! I almost couldn't contain the joy I felt inside. Now, with the 11:00 worship service only an hour away, I hurried to the garden section.

I had ordered what I thought would be more than enough flower pots for the children who would attend our Easter services.  We were celebrating Jesus bringing new life and planting seeds seemed like the perfect way for these children to carry this truth home in their heart. Surprisingly, though, when the first service began and the children kept filing in, I knew I wouldn't have enough for the 11:00 service. 

So, here I stood, in my Easter best, waiting in line at the check-out counter.

Finally, it was my turn.

"That will be $15.64," the clerk announced.

{Photo Credit}

I opened my wallet and reached in to pull out my debit card only to discover my debit card wasn't there.  I looked behind each credit card. I peeked behind my driver's license.  I searched through the few measly dollar bills stuffed in the back.  No debit card.  Frantic as to where it might be, and more than aware of the long line forming behind me, I silently prayed, "Help me, Jesus."

"Ma'am.  Is there a problem?  $15. 64, please."

I don't carry my checkbook with me, so I reached for the few dollar bills I had tucked in the back.  One ten. One five. One one. $16.00. Amazing.

I finished my transaction, gathered my flower pots, and headed to the car. As I unlocked the car door and climbed inside, I thanked God for answering my prayer.

As I drove back to church, though, all I could think about was my missing debit card.

"Lord, why today?  On Resurrection Day?  On the day I have been looking forward to this entire year? Lord, as I worshipped you at the Sunrise Service, just a few hours ago, my heart was filled to overflowing with tears of joy.  As the children decorated their flower pots during the 8:30 service, their laughter and comments brought one smile after another. My heart was so full of joy, Lord. Why did this have to happen now?  Today?"

And, then it hit me.

Nothing is too big or too hard for my God.
He is ruler over all things and above all things.
Not even death could hold him back. 

"Lord, I'm so sorry.  Please forgive me for allowing something as insignificant as money to steal my joy and diminish my faith.  Lord, I praise you.  You are more than awesome, more than amazing, more than enough.  Thank you for the precious gift of the cross.  Thank you for taking the sting out of death.  Thank you for the oh, so very blessed hope we have in and through you. Thank you for the joy of the resurrection.  Thank you for the joy of knowing you.  I love you, Lord and I can't wait to worship with the children at the next service."

Arriving back at church, I shared my story of the missing card, the $16.00 miracle, the worry that almost hijacked my joy,  and the God who is worthy of our praise in all things. 

Once home, I looked through my wallet again.  There, safely tucked inside the zipper coin compartment, was my bank card.  It had been there all along.  Evidently, the only thing that had been in jeopardy of being stolen on this day of unsurpassed joy was my joy.

Thank God, even this, my more precious than silver or gold joy, was safe and secure when I kept the eyes of my heart on God.~♥

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